A Fashion Blog By Gemma Talbot

Friday, 9 November 2018

Do You Feel Like You're Failing?



As of late I have been thinking about the inherent every day pressures we as individuals face in our lives and how it affects our state of mind. Sometimes I feel that I would probably feel better about things if I could talk to someone anonymous of my friends. Anyone else feel this way? This doesn’t make us ‘crazy’ or unable to cope either. It simply means that some times everyday life just gets a bit too much. Feelings can be so powerful that more often than not you need to voice them. That or have someone to give you a big cuddle. I know sometimes I struggle and it is ok to accept this and be open with this fact too. On Sunday I felt so down to the point where I wanted to cry. I can’t explain why I felt this way (I couldn’t put it down to the time of the month at least) but rather than be hard on myself I just accepted the fact that sometimes you have to embrace feeling down and that tomorrow is a new day. 

Off the top of my head, I can think of a few things that spring to mind to make me draw the conclusion that at times I’m failing. The inherent pressure to look good all the god damn time, feeling like you don’t have enough of everything all of which lead you to feel like you’re not good enough or living your best adult life if you aren’t close to having all the above. At the end of the day though, many of these things are just materialistic but they’re still pressures. I can’t necessarily speak for guys but us girls really do have our work cut out. There’s the fortnightly trips to have our eyebrows threaded/tinted, a shellac mani/pedi if you’re lucky and this doesn’t include other things such as waxing, hair appointments (extensions, cut/colour) the list is really endless. Some may argue that these are luxuries but really in this day and age they don’t seem like a luxury at all. Maybe this is the problem and would explain where the pressure comes from in the first place. They are regarded as the norm and if you don’t keep up you begin to feel like you resemble a troll. These things which are just seen as ‘maintenance’ don’t even cover the everyday responsibilities of being an adult; bills, rent/mortgages and just having enough money to survive. 


It may not apply to everyone but with my job being so visual and focused on what you look like, I do in fact feel this pressure in some way. Last year, I really let it affect me to the point where I wouldn’t want to leave the house without any makeup on. Not even to the corner shop, where the man behind the counter has probably seen you at your absolute worst. Hungover, ill, hormonal spots and all. Poor guy. Why do I feel this way? Honestly, I’m not 100% sure but I think ultimately as I put my life out on the internet and social media I sort of expect people to judge me to some extent and this is why I sometimes feel a pressure to be the best possible version of myself. I definitely don’t feel like reverting back to my 15 year old former self who never filled in her eyebrows and was a bit heavy handed with the Benefit hoola bronzer. Don’t even get me started on the Dream Matte Moose that resembled a bowl of Angel’s Delight. Oh dear, what a state I was. 


As my job isn’t a typical 9-5, I often feel like at times I haven’t accomplished much when in fact I don’t give myself credit for the things I actually manage to achieve. As such my working day starts from the moment I wake up to the time when I go to sleep. My to-do list seems to be never ending and as I have become busier with work I am starting to feel like completing my daily tasks is becoming next to impossible. Often rolling things over into the next working week I have more than ever been struggling. This in itself makes me feel like a failure. I don’t have a team to delegate tasks to nor any management so as such I am a one man band so to speak. This is not a moan, as I am incredibly grateful I am busy and can do what I do full time and earn a living from it but it is hard at times to feel like I’m on top of everything. I want to feel like I’ve fully got my s**t together. My personal phone is also my professional phone and I need to be better at giving myself stricter working hours and generally not being so hard on myself. I spend a lot of my time on social media, responding to peoples DM’s which in itself is time consuming. I feel a responsibility to get back to everyone but I don’t think people realise how many messages I receive on a daily basis on both my fashion and fitness pages. I have this internal struggle of wanting to get back to everyone but also getting the admin side of my job done too. It can feel incredibly overwhelming sometimes and there are occasions where I don’t have any free time to myself at all some evenings because I’m there replying to DM’s because I start to feel anxious if I don’t. I need to be better at switching off and also putting myself first and having a life or should I say a better work-life balance. It’s just a lot harder than having a computer that stays stuck to your desk at your office which you return to the next day. The notifications pop up on my phone and as such I find them hard to ignore. 

 

Hands up if you’re still renting? 🙋🏼 With some of my friends already on the property ladder, I am really aware of the fact that I am wasting money on rent. Some genuinely love renting but I am really eager to get my foot on the property ladder. I may as well open up my bedroom window and throw £700+ that I spend on rent alone each month. It actually makes me feel sick and is probably one of the biggest things that makes me feel I’m not doing well enough. I want to be putting my money towards something worthwhile not lining my landlords pockets as she skips to the bank. Will I ever have enough money to own my own place? Who knows but it will probably be one the of the biggest achievements of my life if I do as I certainly won’t have much help from my family. I think this is one of the most important things to me and if I am able to get there eventually, I will feel that it will be a massive indicator of my success. I know being self employed it’s going to be harder for me to get there but I really am determined to get there eventually. 

Ever feel like some people are handed things on a plate? Good looks, fortune, an amazing life and enviable designer wardrobe. Why do we compare ourselves to things that are unrealistic but also out of reach? I used to think it was so unfair how some people had the world whilst others struggled day in day out. I do believe hard work shows itself but I also believe that some people have to work hard and fight a little bit more for what they have. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve accepted that it is a fact of life and that we have to focus on our own journey and work as hard as we possibly can to be where we want to be. I already had hoped that at 27 I would have everything I ever dreamed of as a teenager. To say I am nowhere near there would make me feel like a failure and sometimes it does but equally times have changed. People are generally doing things later; marriage, children, buying a house and everything is so much more expensive than it ever was and it’s so easy to lose sight of this. 


Don’t even get me started on guys. You should all know by now the dating disasters I’ve had as of late. Don’t get me wrong I haven’t been single my whole life. I was actually in a long term relationship of 5 and half years but towards the end it was toxic af. A lesson learned as they say but a whole lot of heart ache at the time. From ghosting to feeling as though you’re not the ‘chosen one’, dating in 2018 can definitely make you feel all kinds of inadequate. I am fully aware than men should not determine how we view ourselves as women but sometimes the blows to your self esteem just do. You feel you’re not as good as the leggy blonde or beautiful brunette who actually made the cut. I can say with certainty that there has definitely been one case in your life where a guy has said something to you or treated you in a way and it has created some kind of insecurity. I know I’ve definitely been made to feel not good enough on more than one occasion by a guy and most just seem to be getting worse. 


I know that comparison need to stop and ultimately we shouldn’t compare our success by materialistic things such as money, whether we can afford the latest IT designer handbag or have a boujee af car and a hot boyfriend who dresses well. Money comes and goes and what really matters in your internal happiness. I’ve definitely learnt to appreciate smaller things in life that mean a lot more to me. Ultimately, when I am a shrivelled prune I am not going to be bothered by the fact that I didn’t have that Chanel handbag I desperately long for. It will be the memories I created along the way and the people I made them with. It is easy to lose sight of what is important and I know I need to make a conscious effort at not letting certain things define whether I feel like I am a failure or not. It’s about focusing on what you have achieved in a time that is actually quite difficult and to not let it get you down.


shop this post:

Jumper - Missguided
Trousers - ASOS
Boots - ASOS
Bag - Chloé
Initial necklace - eBay



Photography by Fifi Newbery 
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3 comments

  1. Okay first of all, THESE SHOTS GIRL!! Second of all, I think failure is such a difficult feeling that so many of us go through!

    www.petiteelliee.com

    Ellie xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. I loved this post. Nodded my entire way through it as I related to everything you've said in some way or another. For me I just have to remind myself that i'm on my own path and everyone path is completely different, but it is so hard to not compare yourself sometimes!

    www.styleandsplurging.net

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love this post. Firstly the imagery is stunning, almost looks editoral and magazine worthy but secondly the actual words ring home with me too. As a 22 year old, single woman I'm surrounded by long term relationships, engagements, weddings, babies and houses. Whilst, I work full time, go the gym run and a blog and am a spinster at 22. Yet, my successes I've had don't cut it when I compare myself to friends who are 2 steps ahead. PREACH THIS WHOLE POST!!

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Gemma x

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