A Fashion Blog By Gemma Talbot

Friday, 12 October 2018

This Week's Round Up



This week has been a mental one so far. The only thing getting me through is this weekend’s antics. Specifically, my besties engagement party on Saturday night. Cue the bubbles, countless iPhone photos and lots of dancing. I still cannot get my head around the fact that my best friend is engaged! I feel so old and also so single. 
Here is a little weekly round up of how I have been feeling. I hope I don’t bore you to tears. 


The delights of being a woman

By that I am talking about mother nature gracing us with her presence every month, as the Tampax advert would suggest. Even if you know you have been 100% careful (I’m sure I don’t need to elaborate any further) why does missing a period make you feel as though your stomach is about to fall out of your arse?! Whilst I am definitely not pregnant and there are no intentions on being so for a while, I am still anxious as to why my period is more than two and a half weeks late. Admittedly, I have been a little stressed with work but surely this can’t be the cause. I haven’t lost weight and I definitely am not eating less that’s for sure, it’s just taking its sweet arse time. Being a woman, specifically the inner workings of a woman can be so stressful at times. Missing a period could mean a number of things, some incredible serious which leads me to think that men really don’t understand how lucky they have it sometimes. 


Striking a healthy work-social life balance

To sum up the last two weeks; Stressful, exhausting and my mind feeling as though it resembles the tube lines of the London Underground. I couldn’t be more grateful that I am busy but it has been hard to keep on top of everything and still have a social life at the same time. Invoicing as late as 11:30pm at night, I can definitely forget thirsty Thursday drinks with my friends at least for now anyways. Work isn’t always this busy but with the nature of being self employed it’s not unusual to feel like a tumble weed in the wind. Next month might be a quite month for me in terms of collaborations and if amazing brands are reaching out to work with me, it really is hard to say no. It’s a case of finding the time somehow, even if this means my social life will suffer for a while. After all, the espresso martinis will always be there. The jobs may not. 

I’ll paint a little picture of what my general week looks like. Sometimes work events will pop up which I’ll attend but most weekday evenings consist of a gym session. I like to try and have a 8-5/6 work day structure as much as possible then give myself the evening to train or chill which as of late feels non-existent. Obviously, this doesn’t always happen as like most things just pop up out of nowhere but I am starting to feel like it’s all work and no play. Like anything, I really do think it is important to strike the right balance for your own sanity. I’m also conscious what brands must think when they return to their emails in the morning to see an email from me at 11:30pm. Either this influencer really isn’t on top of her work load or poor girl at her laptop responding to emails so late at night. You ever heard the expression ‘all work and no play makes a very dull bunny’. Well I don’t want to turn into a dull bunny. I want to be like one of those Duracell bunnies full of energy who has the perfect work-social life balance, if it does exist. 

 

I usually like to keep any real socialising until the weekend where I can blow off some steam but the past few weeks I have been feeling so tired that all I want to do is take it easy and not spend the next day hungover, willowing in self pity. I also hate wasting the day and my hangovers have become so bad at the ripe age of 27, that the whole day is a complete write off. 

Without giving too much away, I have sort of starting seeing someone. It’s still very early days and you may have read from last weeks blog post where I was discussing whether it’s a good idea to re-date an old flame. Well I’m re-dating that old flame, sort of. This doesn’t come naturally to write as I am a very private person but I am trying to be better. I cringe so much at the thought of him reading this and he’d probably call me a cheesy tuna melt at that. One thing I will say though is it has disrupted my routine and as such made me feel a little uneasy. I’ve been single for a while now and as such have been used to being by myself and doing my own thing when it suits me. At the moment, he doesn’t have a typical 9-5 either which is making seeing each other somewhat of a challenge. More challenging for me than him might I add. I’d prefer to see him in the evenings when I have done all my work whereas he is sometimes more available in the day. I feel that I have finally got my shit together so to speak and as such have a good routine in place. Being self employed, you’ve got to have the motivation to get anything done so reaching this point is a deal breaker and I’m not about to lose sight of this. Writing that almost makes me seem a little selfish but I prefer to see it as determined. I’m adopting more of a business brain, slowly I might add and as such my business and what I have created so far is hugely important to me. I’d even go as far as saying a priority and as such this may make me hard to date. I’ll keep you posted on the progress or whether in fact it’s just destined for failure. 


That along with the fact that fitness has also become a massive part of my life has sent me into a bit of an inner turmoil. Obviously, I am grateful that someone actually wants to date me but equally with the nature of what I do I don’t often have a lot of free time. Not right now anyways, especially when I’m super busy. Like I said, I have been single for a while now so seeing someone frequently is just something that I am not really used to but I am somehow questioning if it is the right time for me. I’m so career driven at the minute that I don’t want my work to slack either. I’ve been talking for months about how I want to meet a nice boy who is not going to ghost or fuck me over and now I could potentially have that the sheer thought of it is scaring me shitless. I can only laugh. Gemma, Gemma, Gemma.

Have I become addicted to the gym?

I have spoken on numerous occasions how fitness has become a fundamental aspect of my everyday routine. It makes me feel great physically and mentally and really helps me to adopt a more positive mindset. It’s gone from being a mere hobby to what I feel is a complete lifestyle change. From working out to meal prepping, I absolutely love the personal fitness journey I have found myself on and as such I’m not prepared to give it up. I’m not just all about #gains and protein shakes, it really is much more than that but to some degree I honestly feel the minute you start lifting weights is when you’ll never feel big/toned/lean (whatever you want to call it) enough. Ironic that when you feel the best shape you have in your life is when often you feel the most insecure. Funny isn’t it?! On the flip side, why would I want to give up something that I find so stimulating?!


With that said, as I have been increasingly busy with work I am struggling to get my gym sessions in. On average I like to train 4-5 times a week, which to some may seem like a lot. Want to know how I feel when I miss a session? Guilty, sluggish and generally I am hard on myself. I work hard in every aspect of my life, I have since a young girl and as such I often feel like I’m letting myself down. My friends say I am too hard on myself at times but you can’t help how you’re wired. Is this a sign that I’ve become addicted to the gym? Perhaps but I can certainly think of worse things to be addicted to.  Upon reflection, my job may be partly to blame for fuelling this need to stay in shape. I have drawn this conclusion because with the nature of what I do, essentially looks pay a very important part and your image is everything. Often acting as a hanger for the clothes I put on and photograph on Instagram, it’s natural to want to look in the best possible shape I can. An inherent pressure of my job you should say. Whilst I am far from beautiful and as such have little control over this, I do have control over my physique. This is 100% down to me and is why I choose to work hard in the gym as well as the mental stimulation it also brings me. It clears my head and is also an opportunity to spend an hour or so of my day not glued to my phone because it’s become like a third arm. The third wheel in a relationship that is always there and a little bit annoying. The gym is the one time in the day where I can escape from everything and just focus on myself. 

 

Writing this post has opened my eyes that perhaps I’m overdue a little bit of self love. I don’t want to wear myself out but equally all these feelings I experience on a daily basis are who I am. They make me, me and I don’t necessarily see them as a bad thing either. We’re always changing and adapting and learning so much about ourselves on a daily basis. These blog posts are opening my eyes a little more each time into the type of person I have become but ultimately I really do need to cut myself some slack. Yes I am determined but my world is not going to fall beneath me if I don’t meet the high expectations I put upon myself either.


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Photography by Fifi Newbery
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