A Fashion Blog By Gemma Talbot

Friday, 5 October 2018

The Things I Learnt About Myself Last Week

 

My best friend Poppy is always telling me I should write more and she’s right. I absolutely love writing and when I do so it feels like an enormous release. My mind thinks of nothing else but the words I am writing and I often find a sense of clarity when doing so. As of late I have tried to make a conscious effort to create more content but along the way have some how neglected my blog. Most of my posts touch on real life experiences and encompass a number of topics from dating to my struggles with not having a typical 9-5 job. I think honestly, I’ve been focusing on creating blog posts that will have some sort of impact that when I sit down to write something that I don’t see as that interesting, I almost feel as though I suffer from writers block. There’s no denying that my job has its perks but equally there are days that are extremely ordinary. Days where I sit in my pjs, a candle lit and crack on with a full day of admin. With that said, as I promised myself to make a conscious effort to post on my blog at least once a week, I am going to try my hardest to do so. When I don’t manage to keep up to date with posting on my blog, I often feel like I am not fulfilling my job role. I do after all call myself a blogger so I need to stop slacking. 

So in a bid to be a better blogger again, if I feel like there is no real significance to what I write then I am just going to fill you in on the things I have learnt or what has happened to me in any given week. For some reason, unbeknown to me my life seems to contain lots of drama. My friends even say I could write a book and I’m actually starting to think I should. My Instagram wife Sophie Milner started doing a weekly round up post on her blog and whilst I am not here to copy, even if she is the best work wife you could ever ask for it is a great way to create content without thinking too much about it at the same time. 

So without further ado, here are a few things I have learnt last week and am writing about this week. 


Is it wise to re-date an old flame?

It’s funny how you reconnect with old flames. A real life blast from the past. I mean technically I slid into his DM’s 🙈 but it’s only because Poppy saw this guy I dated for about 5 months previously (who now lives less than 10 minutes up the road from me) very recently and as best friend code goes told me straight away. By straight away I mean feast your eyes on the below:



To cut a long story short, we went on a date and from then on have been spending time with each other. Whilst I was genuinely surprised at how quickly feelings, which I thought were dead and buried slowly began to return I have questioned whether re-dating someone is wise. I noticed that when trying to move forward, there are things which you thought were buried in the past come and resurface like an ugly blackhead. Whilst this guy never really did anything awfully bad to me (that I know of) I can’t help but compare him to his past and predict his present actions based on these too. This is wrong of me as I know that people change and he genuinely seems like he has. It’s probably my own insecurities and defence mechanism working to protect me from all the fuck boys who have hurt me along the way. Equally, I also know that without giving someone a chance and letting them in you can’t really move forward either. An internal struggle I have but quite frankly I’m petrified of allowing a guy to hurt me. I’ve been hurt along the way so tend to put a wall up but at the same time I am a very caring person too. Most people would argue that you should never go back just focusing on moving forward but is this case an exception to the rule? 

In my head, this guy was going travelling again. He’d recently returned from a six month trip around Asia to then explore South America (jealous much) so I knew it couldn’t be anything really serious. But to throw a spanner in the works, he’s now staying. So I’m sat here thinking is it wise to re-date an old flame? If he’s reading this, that could be totally awkward. Still on for Saturday night babes? 🙈


When I’m drunk my inhibitions fly out the window

I don’t mean in a promiscuous way but Saturday nights antics would suggest that as soon as I’m on my merry way to drunk ville, I feel like I want and need attention. This is dangerous because you start scrolling through your phone (or DM’s – we live in 2018 after all) drunk texting the fuck boy you shouldn’t be contacting. Uh oh spaghettios. Just call me needy af. You wake up in the morning with a sore head wishing that you had kept your dignity intact. The best way to deal with it? Delete the message thread and pretend it never happened. The reality is I ended up in an Uber, finishing my night earlier than I had anticipated clutching a brown McDonalds paper bag of five chicken selects with chips with all of the sweet chilli dip. The most impressive thing of all was that I managed my full skincare regime a good amount of gin and tonics down. I’m talking cleanse, tone, moisturise, eye cream and even the new face tanning drops I’ve recently started using. 

Going back to the drunk dialling fuck boys. My flat mate told me about this app you can download where it asks you loads of really difficult questions before you can unlock your phone and I am feeling like drunk Gemma needs this app in her life. Why does alcohol do this? Something I wouldn’t even consider when I’m sober seems like the best plan you’ve ever come up with when you are drunk. Why oh why alcohol do you do this to me? 


I massively underestimate myself

There will be times where I’ll look at a situation and instantly think I can’t do it or that I’m not good enough. I’ve learnt that at times I put on a front that paints the picture of me being far more confident than I am. There were two instances last week where this theory was tested (one in a minor way might I add) and lead me to conclude that I do in fact underestimate myself. 

The first was professionally. I was approached by an established fashion brand about a potential Instagram collaboration and to cut a long story short they weren’t willing to pay me my full rate for quite a hefty amount of deliverables. Their reasoning behind this was that my fee was too high and my engagement too low. I know for a fact both are untrue but it made me question myself and adopt the mindset that perhaps they were right and I should take on this collaboration. In this instance I stuck to my guns and knew it was the right thing to do to turn down this collaboration. I don’t want people to think that I am being a precious princess but ultimately I did feel a little offended, I’m not going to lie. I’d like to stress here that it was a lot of work and ultimately I must be worth something as the brand had approached me in the first place. I concluded that it was a classic case of a brand wanting to get as much from an influencer as possible for as little as possible. I completely get it. It’s business and they’ve got their business brains on but from my point of view I couldn’t help but feel a little offended. The best way to describe it would be a smack in the face and a kiss on the lips at the same time. 


I stuck to my guns, basically said thanks but no thanks and the brand agreed to pretty much pay my full rate which goes to show that a little self belief does in fact go a long way. Know your worth and even if you don’t just have a little faith in yourself and what you stand for. 

The second was something so simple as a little bit of DIY. I recently bought a desk from IKEA and opened up the instructions to get stuck into assembling it together. I took one look at the instructions and put it straight back in the box pretending that it didn’t exist. Granted I was hungover but I just couldn’t deal with it. The classic case of out of sight out of mind. I looked at all the pieces that needed to be pieced together and basically thought fuck that. I was left feeling like where’s my knight in shining armour to help me with this. Oh wait, there isn’t one.  On Sunday, I gave myself a little pep talk and low and behold was able to put it up. Proof that if I put my mind to something I can achieve it. I ended up having a full day of DIY, assembling my pink velvet chair together as well as hanging a number of Desenio prints on my bedroom wall too. Go me! #GIRLBOSS


I need to learn to live life in the present

Without blowing my own trumpet, whilst aspects of my personal life may not be smooth sailing work is going really well for me. I’m landing some amazing campaigns with brands that I’ve dreamt of working with and as such I can say that whilst we can always do better, I’m really happy and proud of where I am right now. I haven’t had any help and everything I have now I have achieved by myself and with hard work. However, I can’t quite help but feel scared. It seems that I have the job I have dreamed of for a long time in my grasp but I am petrified that overnight this is going to change and I’m going to be left flat on my face. Perhaps this is the nature of being self employed but as such I need to try to be better at focusing on the present and stop worrying about the future so much. I’m starting to feel like slowly I am getting my shit together, professionally at least and I just hope it continues onwards and upwards from here. It’s so easy to compare yourself to others in the same industry but it really doesn’t get you anywhere as we are all on our own journey. After all you can’t compare your chapter one to someone else’s chapter twenty. 


I hope I have managed to keep this post short and sweet at least and more importantly that you’ve enjoyed it. Definitely let me know if it is something you’d like to see more of from me. I am making a conscious effort to post at least once a week on my blog and this seems like the easiest way to do so in between creating content for Instagram as well as one YouTube video a week too. On that note, I hope you’ve all had a lovely week have some fun weekend plans in store.


shop this post:

Jumper - New Look
Skirt - ASOS
Shoes - New Look
Bag - Gucci 


Photography by Bethany Elstone
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2 comments

  1. Although I've never re-dated an old flame myself I always say that I wouldn't, in fact I block any ex somethings on all my socials. Whether that's a boyfriend or a fuck friend (lol) it's just too much weird energy. I think it's a 'been there done that' type of thing. Btw, your outfit is lovely in this post :* Have a nice weekend Xxx

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  2. Loooove this post, Gemma!! I have always found in past experiences that 're-dating' never ends well. Love how you've opened upi here

    www.petiteelliee.com

    Ellie xx

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Gemma x

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