A Fashion Blog By Gemma Talbot

Tuesday, 23 October 2018

Ghosting: Part Two


Just when I thought I’d outdone the fuck boys, another one strikes again. I really need to start singing "hit me baby one more time” because these Britney lyrics actually sum up my love life. It’s almost becoming laughable because it’s one of those classic cases if you don’t laugh you’ll probably cry instead. I can’t help but wonder why does this keep happening to me?! Like how and where am I going so wrong? Do I actually have fuck boys come at me tattooed on my forehead?! It’s starting  to feel that way for sure. Or maybe I’m cursed. Come to think of it, I did have a mirror smash on me almost seven years ago so I’m hoping my luck is set to change sometime soon. 


I’ll paint a quick picture. This guy I used to date, whom for the purpose of this post I’ll call L (for loser obvs and who’s name actually begins with L) basically ghosted me hard core. By this I mean zero explanation, just cold hard radio silence. I had dated this guy previously a few years ago and also had been seeing lots of him up until two weeks ago. 

Up until Friday night, the plan had been for him to come to my best friends engagement party which in my eyes was a big deal. I was prepared to introduce him to my friends which I’d consider as a big step especially as this is not something I’d usually do. He’d basically questioned how serious I was to embark on a relationship with him and as such had told me he’d given up a lot to try (plans to go travelling again and a girl he was previously seeing) and put the us in ‘us’. As such, me inviting him to this event was in my eyes an indicator that I was in fact serious. Oh the irony. 

 

He’d never been the greatest texter, but had promised to be better. Friday night he had text me that he was looking forward to seeing me the following day. I drunkenly called him when I got in from a night out at 3am (face palm) and he got back to me the next afternoon with “Hey babe, you ok?” which I pretty much eye rolled at. I proceeded to ask him about the Saturday night plans to which I am still waiting for an answer back to. Two days had passed and I still had heard nothing but low and behold the below meme slid into my DM’s. To say I was angry was an understatement. Like the actual ordasity! You can’t reply to my message but you can send me a meme on Instagram? Was this guy actually having a laugh?! More to the point the below meme insinuated I was his 'girl'. Again the irony. 



It took every inch of me not to send an angry text. You know the what the actual f**k are you playing at kind of text. I even checked his WhatsApp last seen online time stamp several times. You can call me crazy but I know for a fact I’m not the only girl to do this. I had initially worried perhaps something had actually happened. Oh Gemma you're so naive. Experience has taught me that whilst you may want to lose your shit, realistically it doesn’t get you anywhere. I’d rather keep my dignity intact because ultimately guys can’t handle the silent treatment. I mean it’s probably about time I gave him a taste of his own radio silent medicine. 


There is something about being ignored that is a bitter pill to swallow. Ultimately, it’s unfair that I started questioning my actions and what I had done for him to ghost me. What makes it harder is that I knew this guy, it’s not as though he was a stranger which almost makes it that much harder to accept. It’s like having no closure on a situation and how can I not take it personally?! I’ve been racking my brains as to why this may have happened. Was it because for a week I was so busy to see him but if this is the case then I am not going to punish myself for being independent or good at my job. Like if a guy is actually threatened by that then that’s not a guy I want in my life, full stop. I’m fiercely independent and that’s not about to change either. 

What gets me the most is that he seemed 100% sincere about his feelings towards me. I’ve tried to rationalise it in my head as I’ve had no answers from him and the only conclusion I can draw is that he was probably seeing two girls at the same time and ultimately, I didn’t make the cut. Sad but oh so true. This pattern is becoming far too frequent for my liking and I am close to giving up all together. I’m not intentionally looking for anything either but when guys do happen to come along it is one train wreck after another and truth be told I’ve really lost faith in men altogether. At the end of the day, I am not about chasing these little boys who can’t take me seriously. Like actually have some respect. Bye 👏🏻 bye 👏🏻 see you never. I'm 27 years old for crying out loud. If it takes you more than 24 hours to reply to a text or in this case not at all, do and should I really be putting up with that crap? I think not. 

 

I have learnt that I am the kind of person that to be able to move forward and seek clarity on a situation I need to be able to understand and rationalise it in my own head first. A real life a + b = c situation.  Honestly, I don’t think I am even looking for a relationship, at least I don’t think I am anyways. Friends can be an enormous distraction but truthfully most of mine are in long term relationships which sadly means I see less and less of them. I’m in no way bitter but you can at times get carried away with your feelings for a guy you like and you almost fanaticise of what could be. Double dates with your bestie and their other half and not going to Winter Wonderland this year as the singlest of pringles. I guess these boys sometimes fill a void and at times can help you to feel less lonely. But equally when shit hits the fan so to speak and everything comes crumbling down it really does nothing to your self esteem. You become like a bigger and bigger puzzle and eventually you give up trying to pieces the puzzle together. I joke and say another one bites the dust but I really don’t know how much more of this I and other girls like me can take. 

I know I am not alone but when experiences like this actually happen to you, you do at times feel as though you are the only single girl going through it. I don't want to feel like I'm not good enough but that's the effect these silly little boys have on us girls. Grow a pair of balls I say. Nobody likes a coward. Even if it was a case of he didn't like me enough, just have the honesty to say so. I'd actually have far more respect for a guy who did and I'd even say thanks for telling me and fair enough. At the end of the day, you can't help how you feel. I've been in situations where I've either developed the ick or am just not feeling it with a guy but I don't think I would go to the extreme of ghosting someone like that, especially not someone I know. Experience has probably led me to think this way but equally it doesn't cost anything to be kind and I definitely feel more people should do so. 

Whilst I may never get an answer as to why L completed ghosted me, one thing I will say is that getting older has made me realise the crap I won't stand for anymore. It's about respecting yourself and knowing what you deserve and I know I deserve so much better than for someone I gave my time to to not even text me back. Bye bye L. Back to fuck boy land you go, never to be seen or heard from again. Whilst it was an extremely low blow one good thing I can say that came out of this situation is that I know I deserve more and it's made me have more self respect. That in itself is extremely liberating and as they say you need to take a lesson from every aspect of your life and this is definitely one lesson learnt. 

 


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Photography by Fifi Newbery
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4 comments

  1. Oh Dear Player,
    You gotta start getting rid of these morons!...you sure the "L" didn't stand for lol?....I think I need to get you the "How to bag a Rupert" handbook.
    Anyway if you want to lick your wounds over a coffee...you know where I am!....hell I might even teach you to spell "ordacious" as a special treat!. Dad.x

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  2. Gemma!! I completely feel you girl. It's the worst when it starts making you doubt and second guess yourself, when actually said fuckboy just owes you a minimal level of human decency and respect to reply - even if that means them growing a pair to say they don't want to continue whatever was going on. It honestly infuriates me!! I've ended up deleting my dating apps this week because I think I need a break from dealing with it. (Was totally in that I've got to laugh or I'll cry stage a few days ago...) Whoever L was, he's clearly made a massive mistake. More fool him!!

    Ruby x - www.totalmodisch.blogspot.co.uk

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  3. Just found you through Sophie Milner and already know I'm going to be addicted to you as well! Loved this, can't wait to read more!x

    www.thiscatspyjamas.co.uk

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    Replies
    1. Aww thanks babe. Glad you found me and hope you stop by again soon. Hopefully not for another ghosting blog post. xx

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Gemma x

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