A Fashion Blog By Gemma Talbot

Monday, 6 August 2018

The Game That Is Dating And Why You Have To Play It Smart

That’s right, it’s a bit like a chess game. You need to be tactical, think about your next move carefully and hope for a good result. A real life dating #winning. In all honesty I’ve never been too good at games (or dating at that). I’m quite transparent, it’s hard for me to hide my feelings and at times it feels as though I am battling against boys who just love non-stop games. I was way better at putting myself out there in the past but quite frankly I’ve become frustrated with the disappointment and non-committal attitude of guys my age. A few weeks of flirty texting, finally arranging a date and then being ghosted. I just really can’t be arsed with any of it. Without sounding big headed, my time is far too precious for that and you can definitely suss out the guys who actually want to take you out versus the ones who just want to Netflix and chill you. You know when you’re hit with the 😈 emoji that it’s not really going anywhere now is it. I wouldn’t even say I give off those vibes but I’ve had a few of those emojis believe me.

You may have heard me talk about dating apps in the past. I have used the generic ones such as Tinder, Happn and Bumble and sometimes the calibre of men is good.  As Cardi B would say you’re “looking like a right swipe on Tinder” but I hate to say it, those pretty boys with mouth watering muscles (yes that’s my type) are bad news. My dad keeps joking with me that I need to find a Rupert or Roger from the rowing club and not a Tyrone from the gym who spends more time looking at himself in the mirror than you do. It’s true though. When you’re in your twenties it’s about having fun, making poor decisions when it comes to men (or shall I say boys) and not thinking too much about the consequences. I’m starting to realise 27 years later that it’s less about the Tyrone’s and more about the Rogers and Ruperts. They are going to give me what  I want in my older life; stability, love and a family (hopefully). Not tears, Netflix and chill you and then increase the blow by asking you to pay for the Nandos ‘date’. LOL. You think I’m joking this has actually happened to me. I would say I am fiercely independent and by no means expect a guy to foot the bill for me but expecting you to pay for everything is a bit muggy isn’t it?!

Sometimes you catch feelings for a guy who is all wrong for you in so many ways. Handsome, non-committal and generally wanting to spread his eggs across as many baskets as possible. If you’re happy to go along with it whilst you are having fun then that’s fine. We’ve all been there. Believe me I have. But it comes to a point where you need to make a conscious decision. Decide whether ultimately a) you’re happy and b) you can actually see this set up going somewhere. If it’s the latter then no more late night ubers for you boy. I honestly believe unless you are the coolest, most laid back girl in the world you could be happy with something that is so up in the air. Most guys these days (ok not all) want all of the relationship benefits but without the label. Ever been hit with “baby let’s go with the flow” 🙋🏼 yeh I have. I once saw a guy put in his Tinder bio ‘go with the flow is for dead fish’ and I swiped right for him in an instant. I’m not unrealistic or demanding when it comes to what I expect when you first start seeing someone. I’d say up until a point I’m pretty laid back but I’m fed up with let’s go with the flow. Enough is enough. Are you with me?

As women, most of the time we want to feel wanted and a sense of stability so how can you be happy when a guy really doesn’t want to commit to you or mess you around. Equally, when a guy doesn’t want to put all his eggs in your basket it makes you question yourself and your mind starts running away with thoughts of why you’re not good enough. Am I right? I know girls and guys are wired different and as such we can definitely be consumed by our emotions, but it isn’t just me. This is universal and we should stop making excuses for men who are not acting their age but their shoe size.

I read a meme recently by scouse_ma an account you should all follow if you don’t already. It read “listen here you beautiful bitch. Stop crying over a fuckboy who doesn’t give a shit about you and find yourself a real man who will make you the centre of his entire fucking world.” Apologies for the language but it’s SO true. I know I am guilty of not taking my own advice sometimes (the phrase practice what you preach springs to mind) but sometimes you just kid yourself or secretly hope you’ll be the special girl to change that fuckboys mind. Sorry to say it but you probably won’t. These fuckboys are so invested in their ego and having it stroked by hundreds of girls that more often than not one just will not do. Maybe it’s an immaturity thing, who knows but all I do know is that dating is hard.

I’ve had enough of boys who are not upfront. Sometimes guys can be so stupid and then they just let social media catch them out. You said you were home but I saw from your snapchat that you were out somewhere until the early hours of the morning. OK Hun. Unless they didn’t actually care altogether? We’ve all been there girls. Dating shouldn’t be so difficult so why is it?

One thing I have noticed is that people just don’t speak to each other anymore. Unless I’ve become more unattractive as I’ve gotten older, I just don’t get the attention like I used to when I was younger and on a night out with my girls. More often than not guys are in relationships but then you’ll go on Happn and match with a guy you crossed paths with whilst you were on a night out. Huh? The likelihood that you both saw each other is pretty high. I could probably bet money on it. Is it that we’ve just become worse at handling rejection? Face to face rejection seems fare more brutal and detrimental to your self esteem than over the phone so does this perhaps explain it? My grandma for example just doesn’t understand that I go out and don’t meet a nice boy. “The problem with your generation is that you’re glued to your phones” and I can’t dispute this. I can’t believe that this is solely the reason but have we just become really bad at handling rejection? I’ve been told in the past by a guy I once dated that I have very high expectations when it comes to guys. I don’t think I do and even if I do it’s because I’ve been through the shit and am not prepared to settle. My friend Sophie even suggested we go speed dating because when you’re out people just don’t want to speak to each other anymore it seems. Should we have to go to these extremes? Again it just seems like dating is becoming harder and harder.

I’ve noticed more recently than ever guys trying to persue other girls (myself included) when they’re already in a relationship! They are not even trying to hide it either and as a girl this is probably your worst fear to be cheated on. The latest photo on their Instagram is a carousel of images of him with his girlfriend. I have two thoughts; what an absolute scumbag and also a pang of disappointment for his poor girlfriend who has no idea of his elusive ways. How can you even begin to embark on something with a guy who is already labelled as a boyfriend to someone else? This is something that used to cause a reaction of shock to most but sadly it’s becoming more and more normal. Sad but true.

As I sit here thinking my gravestone might read ‘death by fuckboy’ 😂 I’m definitely just focusing on myself, my career and being the best version of myself.  As most of my friends are now in long term relationships (my best friend even engaged!), we just don’t go out like we used to. I hate to admit it because it makes me feel both vulnerable and embarrassed at the same time, but after not having a boyfriend for a while now I’d actually quite like one. Someone special to make memories with. I wouldn’t go as far as saying I’m lonely but I miss the companionship that a boyfriend brings. Mainly the cuddle if I’m honest. Will I be single forever? Who knows. Maybe it’s time to get some cats but one thing I know for sure is that I’m not willing to settle. What about you?

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