A Fashion Blog By Gemma Talbot

Wednesday, 2 August 2017

Would You Rather Be The Dumper Or The Dumpee?

My name is Gemma and I go for the wrong men. FACT. Somehow I'm not attracted to the 'nice' boys that on paper tick every single box and would make your parents grin from ear to ear. Instead, I seem to love the bad boys, the no-gooders the ones that ultimately will mess you around and leave you hanging out to dry. A 'fuck boy' as Amber from Love Island would put it. Time and time again I seem to get lured into these boys dick sand (oh I miss Love Island) and I'm 100% over it. Is it the thrill I thrive on? The treat them mean, keep them keen stance? Who knows but one thing's for sure it's a mindset I'm looking to change indefinitely. 

As tragic as it sounds, I'm usually the one being dumped. I've dabbled in a few casual relationships since my last long term one, where ultimately I was the one to call it a day but it was mainly due to their behaviour that left me with cold feet. A kind of see you never, BYEEE FELICIA stance all in one. 

We all know that break ups are the worst; an intangible feeling that you wouldn't wish upon anyone including your worst enemy (if we even have those anymore). The dumping part is probably not even the worst part of ending a relationship, it's the feelings that accompany it. The blow to your self-esteem, the heart ache, the checking your phone to have NO new messages and the constant over analysing of every minor detail of your past relationship. If I had done things differently would it have caused this to happen kind of thing. You get my drift. The only thing that girls would collectively agree is potentially a good thing to come out of being dumped is the break up diet. The "oh you look so skinny, what's your secret girl?!" The secret is I got dumped.....awkward turtle moment for the other party. One thing immediately springs to mind...cancel all plans that involve socialising with smug couples. Definitely cannot deal with any form of PDA at this time. We've all been there, believe me. 

Until recently, I hadn't really broken it off with anyone but as the title would suggest I experienced what it was like to be dumping someone and not to be dumped myself. I wouldn't even go as far to say I was dumping the person as in my eyes we were never in a relationship but I still had to have the award conversation that I didn't want to pursue anything romantically. This really is starting to sound like one tragic blog post. I promise it's not all bad. 

I was originally reluctant to publish this blog post because I was considering the man in questions feelings but more recent events have unveiled and as always his true colours surfaced so quite frankly I couldn't care less now. When someone tries to bring you down, rather than stoop to their level and retaliate I choose to rise above it and keep my dignity. Something I've definitely learn't over the years. Aside from the fashion part of my blog, I like to talk about real life experiences and this definitely is just that and also something that a lot of you can relate to I'm sure. So here I am sharing my recent experiences and hoping that some of you can definitely relate to it too. 

The man in question was both wrong and right for me if that is even possible. Sweet and kind hearted by nature but a little immature at the same time. Ring any bells? We had lots of fun and I felt I could truly be myself around him....until I couldn't. The biggest obstacle for me to overcome was that he didn't come alone, he had 'baggage' which sounds awful to write. I say this because I am twenty-six and whilst I know I definitely want a family of my own in the future I'm not on that page at this point in time. It is also an experience I hope to share with someone for the first time who hasn't had children themselves. I don't know if I'm asking too much, maybe being a little selfish but the way I see it why should I settle?! As I slowly approach the dirty thirty mark perhaps this is something I may have to accept more but for now I'm certain of what I want. This is a first I can assure you. 

I won't bore you with specifics but the key turning point for me was trust or shall I say lack of. A lie that wasn't cheating or being unfaithful (that I know of) but a lie all the same. The best way I could put it would be a giant skeleton in ones closet. A repetitive lie day in day out that I cannot even fathom someone would keep when asking to be their girlfriend. As someone who has been scorned in the past, I tend to see things now in literal terms. As such a lie is a lie. You can't sugar coat it, sprinkle it with fairy dust or beat around the bush. Let's just get straight to the point honey, you lied and you got caught out. BYEEEEE FELICIA! I'm still astounded that men, once caught out continue to lie. It's even more hurtful when it's done to your face too. Keep digging that grave for yourself  because you've made your bed and now you've got to lie in it. I'm sorry if this all sounds harsh but I only speak the truth. Ultimately, once the trust has gone there really is no foundation to build upon. Not to mention the feelings that are associated with being lied to. It's like taking a big fat slap to the face....it hurts, burns and stings all at the same time. Sometimes forgive and forget is easier said than done. Lauren Conrad couldn't have put it better in an episode of the hills when she said 'I want to forgive you, and I want to forget you'. 

I'm pretty confident when I say that by nature I'm a kind hearted person. I always go out of my way to think of others and their feelings which is sometimes why I find myself in situations like this in the first place. Somehow wishing I'd been a little more stern and put my foot down. Throughout this whole ordeal, I've felt perhaps it would just be easier to be the one being dumped. As silly as that sounds, the whole thing made me feel awful as if I was the wrong-doer. I'd frequently ask myself am I being too harsh?  Am I not seeing things from his perspective? Especially when the person in question is upset, hurt and trying to do everything they can to make amends. When you've made a decision not to be with someone anymore, it really is a case of sticking to your guns which means no caving when the person makes you feel bad. When someone realises that ultimately you're decision is final it can go one of two ways: radio silence and you don't hear from them or a persistence that quite frankly is a little off putting. A man scorned is not a pretty sight and believe me things really did get personal. I even had to seek help from friends to ultimately send the 'leave me alone' text because I was so hurt by the things he had said to me. When you try your best to do the right thing and go out of your way to consider someones feelings and still get crap for it I'm left feeling what was even the point?!

Relationships are about compromise and bringing the best qualities out in each other so much so that when you feel it's not right, it really will feel 100% wrong. Whilst this time I wasn't the one to be dumped, I'm left with a feeling that maybe it would have been easier if I was. Has anyone else felt this way? With that said, there's something quite refreshing about coming off better and having full control. I can see now why some may thrive on having this feeling of ultimate control. I've been there in the past when you will say anything and everything to try and win someone back but when the shoe is on the other foot, it comes off all wrong. Almost unattractive and dare I say slightly desperate. I feel that some may brand me a bitch by saying that but I'm just speaking the truth. Not to mention, I've actually acted this way in the past when I was being dumped and had no idea how my behaviour was coming across (insert hand over eyes monkey emoji). Definitely a lesson learned here. Always keep your dignity girls and boys. 

When you have an ick feeling and know hand on heart something isn't right then you should have the courage to do something about it even if that means hurting someones feelings. As humans we are creatures of habit and whilst it would have been easier to go along with something for the sake of doing so, ultimately I had to be selfless and put the other persons feelings before mine. As I write this, I get a sense of realisation that if a guy felt this way he 100% wouldn't have any qualms about ending things so hand on heart neither should I. Somehow, I can't help but feel really guilty and also slightly guilty that I feel better for doing so. But you know what, life is too short to be unhappy and ultimately you need to do the right thing for you. 

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  1. I really like your outfit Gemma. Especially the cute t-shirt!
    - www.majaharder.com

  2. Loving the outfit G! So chic and so sorry to hear about your relationship difficulties! I would most likely come under the dumper but then again I've only ever been in two relationships long term ha, ha! Not sure if that counts but I'm sure you will meet the right guy at some point and definitely treat them mean ;) I personally think guys prefer when a woman's hard to get and this way you definitely know he's interested if he waits! x

    Jenny | Krystel Couture X


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